San Diego teens open up about screen time — the good and the bad

It’s not easy for many parents to see their kids on their phones seemingly 24/7. Mom and Dad may wonder: "Should they be outside? Should they be hanging out with friends? Are they missing out on the world around them when their attention is on whatever is on the screen?"

NBC 7 recently had a good, honest conversation with five students from Vista Del Mar Middle School in the South Bay.

When asked if they felt their grades could be better if they didn’t use their phone as much, three of the five raised their hands.

“When I get home, I usually get a snack, and I know I’m supposed to do my homework, but I will look at my phone and usually start scrolling,” seventh-grader Elliana Ruiz said. “And then I have to go to soccer practice, and when I get home, I don’t have time to do my homework.”

According to a 2024 Pew Research Center survey, 72% of teens in the U.S. say they often or sometimes feel peaceful when they don’t have their phones. Forty-four percent said it makes them feel anxious.

“I think I forgot [my phone] in the car when we went to a wedding,” eighth-grader Keyarrah Washington told us. “I was so mad the entire wedding, just thinking about if someone was texting me.”

The survey also found that 42% of teens admit smartphones can make it harder to learn good social skills.

Seventh-grader Joel Santos agrees.

“You won’t be outside to talk to your friends in real life because you’ll just be glued to your phone," Santos said.

“And then when you go outside, you won’t know what to say or do,” Washington added. “It’s not like you can send a reel to someone in real life.”

On the flipside, 70% said the benefits of smartphones outweigh the harms, including giving them more creativity, hobbies and help with homework. Plus, sometimes it’s good to just take a break from everything that’s expected of them.

“When I really need that decompression time, that’s when I’m like on my phone, scrolling through videos, playing a little bit of games or probably texting my friends,” said Jennalyn Alipio, who's in eighth grade.

“My dad, he’s a big napper,” said seventh-grader Daniel Herrera Jr. “When he gets home from work, he naps. On the weekends, that’s all he does, but I mean that’s my way of relaxing. And it’s the same thing with video games, too. My parents think I’m on it way too much.”

The survey found that four in 10 parents and teens regularly argue with one another about screen time. So, what is the best way parents can help their kids better manage the time they spend on their devices?

“Try to be a part of their world so they understand that it's because you're truly interested in them, not because you're trying to judge them or police them,” said Dr. Pamela Villar, a pediatrician at Kaiser Permanente.

Villar said there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all strategy, so time limits by age are not a thing anymore. She said parents should probably back off if their kids are sleeping well, are active, have healthy social situations and are doing well academically. 

If screen time is infringing on any of these, it’s time for a sit-down. And be ready to listen more than talk.

“Children are amazing, so they usually have insights about how much support they need or what would work, or what wouldn't work,” Villar said.

Also, remember, they see how much their parents are on their phones.

If you're concerned with how much time your children are on, you need to look at your own habits.

Dr. Pamela Villar, Kaiser Permanente pediatrician

“They watch what we do, and they do what we do, not what we say,” Villar said. “So if you're concerned with how much time your children are on, you need to look at your own habits.”

The Pew Research Center survey shows that nearly half of teens said their parents are at least sometimes distracted by their phones when they’re trying to talk to them — and that trust is a two-way street.

“They check my phone, like multiple times, and they found nothing like suspicious of me,” Santos said about his parents. “I have nothing to hide, like they’re always suspicious.”

“I always remind teenagers that it’s social media, not private media,” Villar said with a laugh. “If they’re on it, their parents should be able to see the sites they’re on.”

“Trust is important for any relationship, and even though we have nothing to hide, it still kind of hurts that they think we’re doing something wrong,” Ruiz countered.

It sure isn't easy.